Its 5:35am, and I have been up an hour an a half, and in theory today my crowdfunding campaign launches. I say in theory because we are not actually in control of the fate our creations. And that said, my human-ego self desires that the project flies out into the larger world today.
Yesterday at about 2:30pm, MK and I finished up tweaking (not twerking) the campaign, and I have not looked at it since. I had been house sitting in town, and after a short nap I headed back out to my magic canyon. My canyon has this draw for me, when I am across the valley I look lovingly and longingly towards it, and always wish I was there. I live in exactly the place I dreamed of living in this county, faith and trust once again weaving into my life with how well I am taken care of. The canyon is pretty deep and narrow, and in the winter, because of it’s high cliffs, it does not get a lot of light at its base. I happen to live part-way up the side of it, and it is sunny constantly. Somehow, by the grace of the ancestors, I am in this enchanted place, in the most sustainable location possible considering my sunshine needs. This humbles me. Over, and over again my life has been set up in ways that are more nourishing, supportive, and perfectly designed for my constitution than I could have ever imagined. And I have still struggled with trusting, and having faith.
I was recently interviewed by someone I adore for her blog, and she asked me about faith and trust. I thought about when I was writing the Deluxe book for my Oracle of Initiation deck, and I had made both a faith and a trust card for the deck. As I was writing the text for the cards, I realized I was not sure what I thought the difference was between them. I asked others in my sphere for their opinions, and came to my own definition for them. This entire crowdfunding experience has been a deeper level of dancing with these two concepts, as well as embracing the reliability of change.
In The Oracle of Initiation, the Faith card, #24, and the Trust card, #36 each have cross-cultural guardians attributed to them. Faiths is Obatala, the great father deity of the Orishas, the pan-African goddesses and gods. Faith is the Norse goddess Freya, the Scandinavian Aphrodite, a being of great magic, beauty and power. What I came to for my own definition of these two terms is that faith is blind, in a good way. You simply choose to believe something, even if there is no empirical evidence for it. For some people, “God” cannot be proven, I personally would disagree, when I look at a vibrating flower in the springtime, I have no question that something larger, deeper, grander, and more mysteriously beautiful exists. Trust on the other hand is something that is built-up over time. Like self-confidence and reliance on others. Trust is a process, faith is simply a decision.
Crowdfunding takes both of these. A semi-crazy decision to actually do the daunting task, and then, hopefully, a progressively building confidence in your ability to pull it off. And in the midst of it all, there is the art of change. in 2007 when I was living in rural West Texas and teaching workshops for women with horses, my co-creator Kate Vigneron and I named our workshops The Art of Change. Night before last I was reading one of Jen Eramith’s weekly Akashic Records readings about Human Nature and Change from July 2013. She offers that when we lived closer to the land, and its natural cycles, we were constantly changing, as nature was. As we became more “evolved” and industrialized, we have been able to stabilize some of our external circumstances more, so we have created the delusion that we can control our environment and manage change. She says we have become overly dependent on comfort, and it stunts our ability to flow with impermanence. This really struck me as true, our modern ability to hide out in our homes, zone-out to the TV, self-medicate with food, and not deal with the truly primal, and also viscerally glorious nature of life. And of course the great irony is that we are less happy, not more happy with having created this illusion of control over change.
This message felt so timely on the eve of the public launch of my campaign, to remember my ability to have faith and trust, and then to dance and shape-shift with whatever this process brings. Being an adventurer, and also a nester, I have competing desired around control and the unknown. This campaign is really embarking into the great unknown. Who knows how it will go. MK and I have knocked ourselves out over the last two months completely redoing my online presence, and then crafting the campaign to print 1,000 of my Oracle decks. Today is the day I let go of the illusion of control, and bounce my ball onto the playground to see if anyone else wants to play magical hopscotch with me. In a couple of hours I hope to write a post that says the campaign is launched, and running, but for now, a few more structural things to do. Thanks for coming along on this journey with me. It has been an incredible ride so far.
The Oracle of Initiation new Tarot-Sized edition at $44 Indiegogo Campaign is live now, 5-20-14 to 6-21-14.